Antonio vs. Mario

My kids and I are huge fans of "Dancing with the Stars". We got into the show last year when Jerry Rice was on and now they love to watch it because of Emmit Smith. And they know that I am totally infatuated with Mario.

So, Saturday night, we're watching "Take the Lead" with Antonio Banderas and while I was drooling, my youngest son asks, "Mom, who do you like better... Antonio or Mario?"

Hmm. That's not an easy question to answer. Let's weigh the pros and cons:

1. Age Mario is ten years younger. Antonio is 3 years older. Ten years younger means stamina and that means uh... let's call it dancing... at least two or three times a night. But Antonio has experience, which usually translates into more staying power in the ballroom if you get my drift and let's face it, I'm usually so tired I'd only be up for one dance a night anyway.

2. Physical Condition Hands down or hands on, it's Mario. Antonio may be buff and look fine in his tuxedo but 46 naked will never by 33 naked. Mario's skin probably still has a lot of elasticity and as you can see in the above photo, the boy is CUT! I bet you could bounce a quarter off his ass.

3. Talent/Intelligence Compare their resumes at www.imdb.com. Antonio totally comes out on top in this category. Sure, not all of his movies were blockbusters, but he's made some excellent career choices. He can sing, dance AND act. Mario just looked hot in his one-piece wrestling outfit on "Saved by the Bell". And if you watch the behind-the-scenes training on DWTS, you'll see that when he's not shaking hips hot enough to fry an egg on, he's acting like a 10 year old boy. Sure, Antonio isn't afraid to be silly (Puss in Boots in "Shrek") but he's a grown-up and you'd never use his name and "boy" in the same sentence.

4. Smolder factor Mario simply does not have it. Even when he's making moves that make you picture him writhing naked on your sheets, he doesn't have what it takes to make a woman melt. Just one look from Antonio and I have change my dancing tights. Add the accent to the look and all you want to do is tango forever with the man.

Sure, if my husband ever passed away and I had all the insurance money and needed a "Juan, the Cabana Boy" to go on a cruise with, I'd choose Mario. But for the long run, it would be Antonio who will probably be just as sexy at eighty as he is now.

THE SUPREME WISDOM OF THE QUEENOSHEBA

I need to get a life. Seriously.