Things women should never do past 30
On a local morning show, I heard them listing a bunch of things men shouldn't do over 30...
Google the word "vagina"... high-five in a business situation. And that got me thinking about the things women should never do past 30:
1) Shop in the juniors department The clothes may still fit, but that doesn't mean you should wear them. The juniors department is for junior women, which means girls. Once you're past 30, you're no longer a girl. Really. I don't care how many times your father calls you his "little girl" or your senile grandmother refers to you as "that girl over there", you are a woman.
2) Have stuffed animals on your bed or in the back window of your car Again, you are a grown-up. Even if you collect stuffed animals, you should not display them in such a cute, childish manner. Buy a freaking curio cabinet.
3) Pass out at a party or in a bar bathroom stall and/or vomit and wake up with someone you don't know, more than once a year This kind of behavior really falls under "young and stupid" and everyone knows that "young and stupid" is only valid until age 25. Anything after that age is just pathetic. However, since every one is entitled to make mistakes, I'll give you the once a year clause.
4) Have a cute name for your boyfriend's genitals and share it with your friends I don't think I need to elaborate any further on this one.
5) Let boys win at games You should be dating men mature enough to lose to a girl. But never, ever confuse this with dating someone who's willing to be a loser
6) Still be looking for the "perfect" man By now you should know he doesn't exist.
7) Whip out your boobs in public No matter how good they look, they'll never again be 20 year old boobs, so keep them to yourself.
8) Take your dad with you to buy a car Or any other male. You should be able to be independent of men for everything. Even if you find one, they won't be around forever and you will need to do things on your own. But feel free to hire a hot 18 year old Latino boy to mow your lawn. That's okay.
9) Have more than two cats Three or more label you as "aspiring cat lady"
10) Use an “i” at the end of your name if it ends with a “y” The only acceptable reason for this is if your career goals include dancing naked around a pole while wearing four inch plastic heels.
11) Giggle or squeal anywhere outside of the bedroom This behavior may have made you attractive to the star quarterback, but men (unless they're much older) don't think it's cute any more and it makes other women want to slap you.
12) Use “But I love him!” as an excuse to stay in a relationship with an idiot We know we've all done it. But by now you should now that love alone is not enough to sustain a healthy relationship. So, stop making excuses for letting him treat you badly and move on. You're not getting any younger! And that brings up a little addendum to number 12. Don't marry the first guy that comes along just because you're over 30 and afraid of ending up alone. Remember, there are a lot of things worse than being alone. Like being married to an asshole.
(I had a #13, but unfortunately, I am superstitious about that number and can't bring myself to add it to the list. And it wasn't as good as the other ones anyway.)
Google the word "vagina"... high-five in a business situation. And that got me thinking about the things women should never do past 30:
1) Shop in the juniors department The clothes may still fit, but that doesn't mean you should wear them. The juniors department is for junior women, which means girls. Once you're past 30, you're no longer a girl. Really. I don't care how many times your father calls you his "little girl" or your senile grandmother refers to you as "that girl over there", you are a woman.
2) Have stuffed animals on your bed or in the back window of your car Again, you are a grown-up. Even if you collect stuffed animals, you should not display them in such a cute, childish manner. Buy a freaking curio cabinet.
3) Pass out at a party or in a bar bathroom stall and/or vomit and wake up with someone you don't know, more than once a year This kind of behavior really falls under "young and stupid" and everyone knows that "young and stupid" is only valid until age 25. Anything after that age is just pathetic. However, since every one is entitled to make mistakes, I'll give you the once a year clause.
4) Have a cute name for your boyfriend's genitals and share it with your friends I don't think I need to elaborate any further on this one.
5) Let boys win at games You should be dating men mature enough to lose to a girl. But never, ever confuse this with dating someone who's willing to be a loser
6) Still be looking for the "perfect" man By now you should know he doesn't exist.
7) Whip out your boobs in public No matter how good they look, they'll never again be 20 year old boobs, so keep them to yourself.
8) Take your dad with you to buy a car Or any other male. You should be able to be independent of men for everything. Even if you find one, they won't be around forever and you will need to do things on your own. But feel free to hire a hot 18 year old Latino boy to mow your lawn. That's okay.
9) Have more than two cats Three or more label you as "aspiring cat lady"
10) Use an “i” at the end of your name if it ends with a “y” The only acceptable reason for this is if your career goals include dancing naked around a pole while wearing four inch plastic heels.
11) Giggle or squeal anywhere outside of the bedroom This behavior may have made you attractive to the star quarterback, but men (unless they're much older) don't think it's cute any more and it makes other women want to slap you.
12) Use “But I love him!” as an excuse to stay in a relationship with an idiot We know we've all done it. But by now you should now that love alone is not enough to sustain a healthy relationship. So, stop making excuses for letting him treat you badly and move on. You're not getting any younger! And that brings up a little addendum to number 12. Don't marry the first guy that comes along just because you're over 30 and afraid of ending up alone. Remember, there are a lot of things worse than being alone. Like being married to an asshole.
(I had a #13, but unfortunately, I am superstitious about that number and can't bring myself to add it to the list. And it wasn't as good as the other ones anyway.)
posted by Queenosheba @ 5:04 PM
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