I hate TV Sweeps

Other than for the obvious reasons a traffic director hates sweeps, I can't stand all the hype.

"Tonight, on ER... a case so horrible, you won't believe your eyes"

I watch that one, then they run the promo for next week

"On the next ER... a tragedy so huge, you'll have to see it to believe it."

Wow! I thought they said last week's show was the most incredible one EVER! And now next week is going to be even more incredible than that. Here's the promo I'm waiting for:

"On the next ER, it all goes KABLAM!"

Cool. No more promos, EVER!

But what I really hate are the local news "special reports".

"Tonight, on Channel 9, they're roaming the streets in packs... cat gangs!"

That was an actual promo that ran about six years ago. I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants! Cat gangs? Do they wear little bandannas with their colors on them? I could see them interviewing a gang member, his little kitty face blurred and his meows distorted so his peeps wouldn't know it was him. Please!

And now they're really getting desperate for stories:

"Tonight, on Channel 24... Breathing... it can kill you. Join Franksen Beans for this special report at 11"

I made that one up, but you get the point. They're all about scaring you into watching their show. Like the regular news isn't scary enough. Why don't they try a sweeps where all the stories they promote are inspirational? There has to be something good going on out there.

THE SUPREME WISDOM OF THE QUEENOSHEBA

When you're feeling depressed about your life, watch the evening news. As long as you see someone who is worse off than you are, you're doing all right and should stop whining.