Why can't I be rich instead of beautiful?

Then I could stay home and make sure my children did their homework the minute they got off the bus. And I wouldn't be stroking out because the oldest one doesn't turn in his assignments.
I could put on a housecoat and draw on lipstick like a clown, go up to the school and sit next to him every day until he got his butt in gear.

But the best part would be, I wouldn't have to work any more for corporate people who provide you with 18th century tools to produce 21st century results. "You rush miracles and you get a lousy miracle" says (not verbatim) Miracle Max. Can't say more. Don't want to get fired for dissing The Man.

While the kids were in school, I would be working on the Great American Novel. Of course, I'd be hunting and pecking it out with my left index finger because the 18th century tools I mentioned earlier, will leave me with a case of carpel tunnel so bad it will make the Wicked Witch of the Wests hand look like she should model for Jergens.

Oops, dissing the man again. Back to my "if I were rich" fantasy. In between writing chapters, Juan the Cabana boy (picture Mario Lopez in a loincloth) would masssage my weary shoulders and unwrap Godiva chocolates for me. Sigh. To (accurately) quote the Beach Boys, "Wouldn't be nice?"

THE SUPREME WISDOM OF THE QUEENOSHEBA

Remember Mike Myers playing Linda Richman on SNL? Well, she's a real person and in 2001, she wrote a book called, "I'd Rather Laugh". Do yourself a favor and read it, especially if you're in the kind of mood I'm in today. Lots of laughs and good advice, like everyone is entitled to one day of lying in bed and feeling sorry for themselves. After that, you need to get your ass up and get on with your life. Again, I'm paraphrasing, like I did with Miracle Max, but couldn't think of the right word to describe it. My brain is melting! My brain is melting!

Let me 'splain... no, no, there's too much, let me sum up

It's been like FOREVER since I've had five minutes to write! And there is so much to cover!

LOSS OF INNOCENCE: My boys had never seen "Sound of Music", so we checked it out of the library and watched it. I told them it was a true story, just like my mother told me it was a true story. We got the deluxe version so we watched the documentary about the movie and the Von Trapps. And guess what? They DID NOT walk over the Alps to get out of Austria, THEY TOOK A TRAIN! Now, I'm a smart girl who knows the difference between real and make-believe and I have Maria's autobiography (just not the time to read it) but ever since I was seven, the Von Trapps traipsed out of Austria, in their little travel costumes (probably made out of the ballroom draperies) over the mountains to a world safe from the Nazi's. Sigh. The very last shred of childhood innocence gone at 43. It is so sad.

LOSS OF SANITY: The Fox Network and some greedy publishers are putting out OJ Simpson's story, "If I did it, this is how it would have happened". Not only is this sick, twisted bid for ratings and money a slap in the face to the Brown and Goldman families, it is an insult to the intelligence of the American people. Or to those of us left in this country. Because you know there are people who will watch this excrement and buy this excrement and put money into the pocket of a man, who if he is not a murderer, is one of the stupidest people alive. Between you and me, I've always believed he was guilty and that eventually either his conscience or his need for attention would drive him to confess to the crime. This latest debacle only reinforces my theory.

LOSS OF MARIO: I know he was technically the better dancer. And he was way, way hot. But it was all too easy for him. There was no room for improvement. That's why Stacy lost last year.
Emmit, while he had more natural talent than Jerry Rice did, he had to work hard to make the grade. And he was so charming and rather hot himself. I loved it when he won and we voted for him. But Mario and Karina (who looks eerily like Mario's mother) were not very good losers. They thought they had it in the bag. Mario's response was dull and sad, but Karina looked seriously pissed and basically she said , "It's okay because I've still got my man and we'll be together forever, I hope." Yeah, well, good luck with that, sister. If you last a week past the competition I'll be surprised. He got what he wanted from you (extra publicity) and he'll soon be moving on.

LOSS OF TIME: Wanted to discuss Grey's, but I need to shower and go to bed. Will definately post something after the big sweeps finale on Thanksgiving. And in lieu of the Queenosheba's wisdom, here is a cool t-shirt I saw in catalog: National Sarcasm Foundation. Like we need your support.

My kingdom for some Xanax

First of all, thanks to Yllwdaisies for your comments. I'm not sure what proper blog ettiquette is - do I respond in my blog or by email or on your blog? I tried to look it up, but with political season things are very busy at work and motherhood/daughterhood have kept me too busy to even pick up a book this week. But I read some of your blog and loved the car crash on the living room floor pic. And I'm sorry for being too harsh about Izzie. Yeah, she's had it tough and I, too am not quite over Denny yet.

Just a few quickies before I have to go pack my lunch for tomorrow:

A new Grey's this week... thank God! Those damn sweeps whores made us wait, so it had better be good.

Dancing with the Stars. I think Monique's a goner this week. At least I hope so. I want Emmitt and Mario to make it to the final two. Not that Joey doesn't have a hot body or isn't a good dancer, I just don't care for his suck-up attitude with the judges. I'd love to see Emmitt win because he's such a good guy and a good dancer, but Mario's (like Shakira's) hips don't lie!

Barbra Streisand. I'm all about the anti-Bush skits in your shows. But you know, you'd get fewer drinks thrown at you if your ticket prices weren't so high that only Republicans could afford them. Funny aside... one of my friends who is one of those blind, narrow-minded Bushies, brought "Meet the Fochers" to our movie party. He said he liked it even though he couldn't stand Barbra. I said, "Oh, because she's a Democrat" and he said, "No, because she's a Communist." Don't agree, but had to laugh.

Who's sick of all the political ads? Cheer up, only six days to go and it can only get worse. Maybe if I have time tomorrow, I'll put my political ad parodies on here.

THE SUPREME WISDOM OF THE QUEENOSHEBA

Boys are stupid. My friend didn't believe me until she got one of her own and they started the process of living together. I tried to warn her. But some people have got to learn the hard way.
And I mean that in a totally non-sexual way.