Wide Load

Was it when my shirts wouldn't stretch out over my belly anymore or when I discovered there was only one pair of jeans left that I could fit into and even then I had to lie down to zip them up? Either one of those events, which occurred around mid-October, alerted me to my rapidly increasing weight. But rather than address the problem, I bought more (larger) sweatpants and set my sights on the New Year as the date to start my diet.

I shoveled in the food and counted down the days and after Christmas, I suffered the final indignity. The behind-the-head ear muffs I got from Santa popped right off because OMG! MY HEAD WAS FAT TOO! So, on January 5th (you never start your diet on the 1st because of all those NYE leftovers, you go for the 2nd or the next available Monday) I sucked it up and put myself on a healthy diet and exercise program. And I'm doing pretty well. Not beating myself up if I miss one exercise session or snark a Pringles out of my son's hand in passing. Just keep on keeping on.

Now, hopefully, by Monday, I'll get the courage to weigh myself. After two weeks of dieting, it shouldn't be that terrible. If I'd weighed myself on the 5th, I would have sunk into a depression so deep, even a rope of Sara Lee Cheesecakes couldn't have pulled me out. But I can tell that my hard work has been paying off. This morning, I was able to zip my jeans in the vertical position.

THE SUPREME WISDOM OF THE QUEENOSHEBA

"Diet is 'die' with a T" - Garfield